What's Driving Your Business - Your Ego or Your Soul?

There's a question I find myself asking women I work with, usually when they're stuck on a decision or feeling that familiar pull of "should": Is this coming from your ego or your soul?

It's not a trick question, and there is no wrong answer - at least not in the moment. But it's worth asking, because the answer shapes everything. The way you build, the way you show up, the way your business feels to run, and the life it creates on the other side.

The Ego Trap

Ego-driven business isn't always loud and obvious. It doesn't always look like arrogance - sometimes it looks like ambition, drive, high standards, and the relentless push to do more, grow faster, and prove that you belong.

I know because I've been there. In my first business - a marketing agency I co-founded in my late twenties - ego was in the driver's seat more than I realized at the time. Not just mine, but the collective decisions we made as partners. We said yes to projects because they looked impressive, not because they aligned with our values or were an opportunity to work with our best client. We chased growth because that's what you were supposed to do. We measured ourselves against competitors, against industry benchmarks, against some invisible scoreboard that never stopped moving.

And it worked, in the sense that the business grew. But it cost more than it gave back. I was exhausted, stretched thin, and honestly not showing up as my best self for anyone - not our clients, not my family, and not myself. The business looked successful on the outside, but it wasn't sustainable on the inside, and eventually something had to give.

I've shared this story in other posts, so I won't rehash it all here (That Time I Blew Up My Career). But the lesson I keep coming back to is this: ego-driven business is a hungry thing. It always wants more, and no matter how much you feed it, it's never quite enough.

Why Midlife Changes Everything

Here's what I've noticed about women who start businesses in their 40s, 50s, or beyond - they're not building from the same place.

When you're 27, you have everything to prove. You're trying to establish yourself, build credibility, and show the world what you're capable of. That's not wrong - it's just where you are. But it often means that business becomes about the external markers: revenue, growth, visibility, and what other people think.

By midlife, most of us have already done that dance. We climbed ladders, hit milestones, and played the comparison game. We've learned - sometimes the hard way - what actually matters and what doesn't. We've gotten clearer on who we are and what we want, and the need to prove ourselves has quieted down, or at least it's no longer running the show.

Honestly? I don't see that as a disadvantage. In fact, I see it as an edge.

Because when you're not burning energy trying to impress people or keep up with competitors, you can build from a completely different place. You can ask yourself: What do I actually want my life to look like? What kind of work lights me up? Who do I want to serve, and how? What am I protecting, and what am I no longer willing to sacrifice?

The answers might surprise you. They're usually simpler than you expect.

What Soul-Driven Actually Looks Like

When I say "soul-driven", I don't mean impractical or soft. I mean aligned - building something that fits your life, your values, your purpose, rather than someone else's definition of success.

For me, that means keeping my practice intentionally small. It means working with women I genuinely care about on things that actually matter. It means setting boundaries from the start and protecting space for the rest of my life - my kids, my health, my marriage, and my mental health.

But here's the part that surprised me: building this way doesn't mean you have less impact. If anything, I've come to know that it means you have more.

When I was running on fumes in my agency days, I wasn't giving my clients my best - I was giving them what was left after everything else had taken its piece. Now, because my business is designed to support my life instead of consume it, I actually have something to give. I'm present, I'm engaged, and I'm not distracted by the next thing I need to prove or the thing I'm measuring myself against. I'm just here, doing work that matters, with people I care about.

I think that's what soul-driven looks like in practice. It's not about playing small - it's about playing intentionally so you can show up fully for the work and the life you're building.

Some Questions Worth Sitting With

If you're building something right now - or thinking about starting - here are some questions that might help you get honest about what's driving it:

• When you imagine your business a year from now, does it excite you or exhaust you?

• Are you making decisions based on what you want or what you think you should want? Have you even decided what it is that you actually want?!

• Are you chasing growth because it matters to you, or because it feels like the thing you're supposed to do?

• If no one were watching—no social media, no peers, no industry benchmarks - would you still be building it this way?

• At the end of the workday, do you have something left to give to the rest of your life?

There's no judgment in any of this. Ego isn't bad - it's just a driver that tends to take you somewhere you didn't actually want to go. The point isn't to shame yourself for past decisions; it's to get curious about what's driving the ones you're making now.

You Get To Build Differently

If you're a woman in your 40s or 50s starting a business - or even just thinking about it - I want you to know that you have an advantage most people don't talk about.

You're not 27 anymore. You don't have everything to prove. You've already done the hard work of figuring out who you are and what matters to you. You've earned the clarity that comes from years of living, working, raising families, navigating setbacks, and getting back up again.

And if you're younger and already sensing this - that the hustle-and-prove path isn't going to take you where you actually want to go - trust that instinct. The kind of awareness is a gift.

You get to build from that place. Not from ego, but from alignment. Not from scarcity, but from purpose. Not from "what will people think", but from "what kind of life am I actually trying to create?"

That's not playing small; that's playing smart. And the women I work with who build this way? They're not just happier, they're more impactful. Because they're fully in it, not stretched thin trying to be everything to everyone.

If any of this feels familiar, I'd love to hear from you. Whether you're just starting to think about what's next or you're already building and want someone to think it through with you to ensure you're in alignment, I'm happy to come alongside.

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